It can be a little startling… You’re sleeping (at last) and you wake up for some reason. Even if your baby has the most beautiful eyes, when you wake up all groggy and see those eyes, wide open and inches from your face, drilling calmly into your soul? You might not say it, but maybe you think, “AH!!! Heh heh! Hey there, little one! Heh heh. Aren’t you supposed to be asleep? Uhhhh. How long have you been there… uh, staring… at me?”
Some sleeping situations can be scary, like finding that someone is awake when you thought they were asleep. C’mon. How many times has THAT bit been used in horror films? A scene showing a close-up of a sleeping or apparently unconscious face, and then suddenly –POW!!!– eyes pop open with some freakish, loud sound. Scary stuff. I’m not saying that co-sleeping is like a horror film, but I’m sure some parents would.
It’s got its good side though. When parents watch their kids from the door at bedtime, it’s a Hallmark moment. You may even hear the comforted sighs from a crib or giggles from a bedspread. Very sweet. But being watched when you sleep has a line that can be crossed where it gets creepy. If you woke up with someone and they told you that they’d been watching you for hours and hours while you slept? Or all night long? Yeeeeeah, sweetness and romance just left the building. Just saying’.
When the cold weather hits us parents—b-r-r-r-r-r!—what better way to stay warm in the chill of night than, uhhhhh… to wrap your head and neck in the warmth and comfort of… your baby? Yeah, no one’s buying it, we know. But, hey, it happens. Whether we want it to or not.
Maybe your sleeping baby wraps you in a boa constrictor of cuddliness like The Neck Scarf, or goes lower when latching onto you, possibly as low as some kind of leg warmer of love. When it happens you tend to wake up and start imagining a referee counting the seconds you’ve been pinned by your little snoozing wrestler.
Sometimes you stay asleep when your baby flops on top of you. In this case, it’s likely you’ll wake up from something like a tiny finger being jammed to the brain up your nostril, a toe finding a home in your belly button or the tickle of sweat dripping off the super-heated part of your body that’s been given a toasty slumber-hug for the past hour or so. Joy.
Stay warm and well rested, folks! If that’s even possible.
The nighttime abuse we take as parents is a testament to how much we love heading to bed with the baby on board. Co-sleeping is special or at least necessary for some, but a lot of people don’t know that it can also occasionally be a good way to get a bloody nose or an impressive black eye. You don’t need a kick to head to figure this one out, but it would help to illustrate the point.
Because I get such a kick (pun intended) out of all the joke Chuck Norris expressions on the interwebs, I have to add that if the baby depicted in this Instructional Diagram were actually a baby version of Chuck Norris, instead of waking up abruptly, this roundhouse kick to the head would have put him to sleep forever. Ha ha! Okay sorry, I’m done.
My wife and I have loved having our little one in bed with us. Despite all the punches and kicks and scratches we’ve received from our little sleep-fighting lad. Hmmmmm… That makes me think of something: remember, parents, sleep safely with your baby. I’m not just talking about your baby, I mean you as well! Maybe if you slept with a helmet that has a face-shield? It might not be as uncomfortable as you’d think! Maybe.
Every parent knows this letter. Fears it! It’s the H. Some may say it stands for “horrible” but don’t listen to them, they’re just whitewashing it. It stands for Hell. And it’s the kind of night you’re both going to have.
This was one of the first “baby in bed” sleep positions we noted down before we even launched HowToBeADad.com. When we were initially spit-balling ideas back and forth for the series, all Charlie had to say was “the H” and I was immediately laughing humorlessly with bitter familiarity. No explanation necessary.
Since then, we’ve had a surprising number of people comment or email in, suggesting Charlie and I do this specific position (that didn’t sound right). Never mind. So! All this firmed it up in our minds, that the H position seems to be ingrained into parents. Into our lower backs and stomachs at least, but maybe even at a cellular level, as deeply and mysteriously as sea turtles that know how to paddle their way back to their birthplace through about a bazillion gallons of saltwater and oil company accidents.
Parents just never forget the H. Maybe it’s because sometimes they’ve had several hours a night to think about it… with their eyes wide open… for a year or more…
